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Val Kilmer Has Lost It; Wants To Be An Evil Organic Paul Newman

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val.jpgWell, at least he’s got the hat. In an interview in the December/January issue of BlackBook, Kilmer outlines his plans to create an organic empire like Newman, but without all that charity mumbo jumbo. Just like Dr. Evil’s ‘Evil Petting Zoo’, this would be an ‘Evil Organic Empire. It’s so hilariously messed up, that I question whether the sarcasm is dripping off Val’s fatty tummy. I’ll let him explain,

“”My idea for the label is to have someone do a prosthetic job on me as Paul Newman, but instead of the drawing, it would be a photograph,” he says. […]

ValZone would also appropriate Newman’s practice of specifying exactly where the proceeds from the sale of each product go–except in Kilmer’s case, the revenue would be earmarked not for charities but to support his lavish lifestyle. “It will all be 100 percent organic, 100 percent profit,” he says. “Here’s why: I like my GTO convertible. And if you’ve got a vintage car, you’ve got upkeep. I have two gorgeous children. My son’s school costs more per year than my four years at Juilliard, plus rent and airfare back and forth.”

See, the thing is, I enjoy Val Kilmer. Well, at least I used to. It’s hard to see him go a little nutty like this and a.) either screw with our heads or b.) really intend to belly flop off the wave of green sweeping the nation. I think it’s great that he would want to push more organic products onto the market; but with such utterly fragmented and ludicrous reasons for doing so, we’re laying the smack down on Kilmer’s bullshit.

I’d send Ed Begley Jr. to set him straight, but I’m afraid Val would either eat him or bottle him for profits.

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