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DiCaprio Decides To Shed Green Image, Move On To Something Else

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In a shocking declaration that has infuriated environmentalists and fans alike, Leonardo DiCaprio announced today that he’s tired of being a green activist. Speaking from a Hummer dealership in West Hollywood, DiCaprio explained his actions saying, “I’m hanging my hat up on green issues. Honestly, I’ve been talking about this stuff longer than anyone else and now everybody is on board. Frankly, that means it’s time for me to move on to something else — preferably something that only I’m interested in.”

DiCaprio cited developments in the Hollywood community as some of the main reasons for his change of heart. “Seriously, my movie, The 11th Hour, was conceived long before Al Gore came along with An Inconvenient Truth. Did you see that film? It didn’t even have Jack Nicholson in it and still managed to win an Oscar. And now Spielberg wants to make a green doc as well? F**k this!”

When asked why his relationship with Gore looked so rosy during the Academy Awards, DiCaprio claimed that it was because Gore agreed to back down and let Leo have the green spotlight back. “We were backstage afterwards and Gore was getting all showy with his Oscar,” the actor commented. “I was all about congratulating him, but the guy wouldn’t shut up about his big Live Earth concert and how cool and eco-friendly it was going to be. That’s when I knew he wasn’t serious about backing down. Afterwards, we didn’t even take the same Prius to the awards parties.”

DiCaprio isn’t exactly sure what he’ll support next, but he did admit there’s a short list. “At first I thought Scientology would be interesting, but now I’m not so sure. Travolta scares the hell out of me. Maybe something with dolphins? Whatever it is, I’m going to keep it on the down-low for as long as possible.”

After his announcement, The Departed star pulled away in a brand-new black H2 Hummer and gave the finger to some people protesting poor air quality.

It’s worth noting that today is April 1, 2007

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