As you may be aware (or blissfully not), Michael Jackson has but three weeks to pay $25.5 million or face losing his legendary Neverland Ranch. If he’s unsuccessful (as is predicted) in coming up with the dough, the property will be publicly auctioned to the highest bidder. The winner will receive 2800 acres, including the homes, any and all furniture, appliances, artwork and outside fixtures like the entertainer’s merry-go-round. Since that’s a lot of space, we figured we might take a stab at helping whoever has the balls to purchase this place decide what to do with it. So, here are our Top 5 Alternative Uses For Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch:
1. The Neverland Farm Sanctuary- Get rid of the ferris wheel and add a pig or two. I mean come on…it’s a ranch for god sakes
2. Neverland Rehab Center- Let’s be honest: rehab is the new black. Neverland is located in Santa Barbara, so celebs wouldn’t have to waste all that co2 going to Utah for a little detox action.
3. Put all the losers from America Idol, Flavor of Love and Survivor on the ranch and film a new reality show: The American Flavor Of Survival. The last one standing wins the ranch. Plus a hug from Pat Sajak.
4. Get Al Gore to pool his resources, purchase the property, and create a Climate Change theme park. Highlights will include No Tomorrow Land, Inhofe’s Tower Of BS, The Haunted White House, and the Tom Sawyer’s CO2 Adventure.
5. Ecorazzi Headquarters. We’re expanding and 2800 acres feels just about right. Who wouldn’t want two life-size train sets?
What would you do with the place? On the side, this article calls Michael Jackson a “crooner”. I think Bing Crosby just rolled over in his grave.