In a shocking move of bipartisanship, Republican presidential candidate John McCain announced that he has decided to run with Al Gore for the 2008 ticket. The early announcement has sent shock waves around the world — with most believing he would choose Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina. MSNBC’s Senior Campaign Correspondent Tucker Carlson was moody about the choice. “At this stage in the game, for McCain to make this move is unbelievable”, he said. “I firmly believe he’s going to destroy the party here — we don’t need someone in the White House that’s going to push America in a new direction.”
Conservative commentator Ann Coulter was unavailable for comment after she threw herself out a third-story window and into Manhattan traffic.
Reaction on the other side of the political spectrum was mixed. Said one resident from State College, PA, “I really like Obama, but think Al Gore is completely awesome. Now what the hell am I going to do?” Aprile Pazzo, one of the founders of the grassroots site Draft Gore was equally confused. “We’re excited he’s running, but to join up with the Republican party just kind of sucks. It’s like Luke Skywalker accepting Darth Vader’s offer to join the dark side. I guess I’ll actually have to start paying attention to that old guy he’s running with.”
For his part, Al Gore offered that he would bring a fresh perspective — and new era of partnership — to the Republican party. “With today’s announcement that I’m joining John McCain for the 2008 ticket,” the former V.P. now V.P. candidate announced, “Americans everywhere can look forward to a united government that puts bickering and partisanship behind, in favor of addressing truly important economic, environmental, and social issues, working diplomatically with foreign governments, and ensuring that peace and prosperity can be something enjoyed by each and all.”
The sky then filled with rainbows, butterflies, and an original soundtrack by James Newton.
It’s worth noting that today is April 1st.