by MPD
Categories: Animals
Tags: .

In a shocking turn of events, long-time vegetarian and recent vegan Natalie Portman has given up Tofurkey and gone back to the real stuff.

Earlier this week, on a popular late night talk show, Natalie announced that she’s “through with all this stupid vegetarian stuff”, explaining, “I just woke up one morning really craving red meat.”  A few days later she had made the switch and was even photographed in a popular West Hollywood burger joint wearing an “Atkins Addict” t-shirt. When asked if her shirt was a joke, Portman snapped back, “Nothing Dr. Atkins has ever done is a joke. He and I both strongly believe that a protein-rich, high fat diet is the key to good health.”

Fellow actor and vegan mentor Tobey Maguire could not be reached for comment, but friends close to the actor say that he is “inconsolable” and “barely able to get out of bed.”

No word yet on if Natalie will endorse any of the Atkins bars or food products, but a representative for the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association said, “Natalie has graciously apologized for her years of low protein induced bad decision making and has even offered to speak at one of our conventions in Fort Worth, Texas.  As you can imagine, all of us here at Ecorazzi are surprised and disappointed in Portman’s new lifestyle decision. As you can also imagine:

It’s worth noting that today is April 1st.

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  • Kathleen Quinlan Bonawitz

    Good thing I caught the last line before I dropped my laptop.

    • Peninsulapoolservice

      What do you mean heart attack, you should educate yourself before you post something you know nothing about.

  • Pete

    gawd dammit hahahahaha i was only expecting one april fools post, this one almost got me but i went straight to the bottom first :P