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PETA Wants To Turn George Clooney's Sweat Into Flavored Tofu

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george clooney, tofu, peta

Yes, you read that right. And don’t act surprised. This is PETA we’re talking about here — the masters in coming up with new, creative ways to draw attention their causes.

Ingrid Newkirk, President of PETA (read our recent interview with her here), has a new idea for promoting tofu: make it George Clooney-flavored.

The organization received a sweaty towel Clooney recently used at a gym in D.C. from a PETA supporter who thought it might be auctioned to raise money. Newkirk, however, right away suggested that it would be better served as flavoring for tofu. Here’s a bit from the letter she wrote to the actor:

“The technology actually exists to take your perspiration and make it into George Clooney–flavored tofu (CloFu). We could do that and give the tofu away. Of course, your fans would swoon at the idea of eating CloFu, but what interests us most is that we would attract many people who don’t try tofu because they worry that it would be bland or that they wouldn’t know how to cook it. CloFu will help people be healthier and more environmentally friendly and will spare animals from being killed for the table.”

According to the Washington Post, Clooney responded with “As a mammal, I’m offended.” Check out the full letter after the jump.

March 11, 2009

George Clooney, c/o Smoke House

Dear Mr. Clooney,

We have been offered some of your perspiration, apparently taken from a towel at a gym in Washington, D.C. We are big fans, and this prospect has given us an interesting idea that we hope will amuse you too.

The technology actually exists to take your perspiration and make it into George Clooney–flavored tofu (CloFu). We could do that and give the tofu away. Of course, your fans would swoon at the idea of eating CloFu, but what interests us most is that we would attract many people who don’t try tofu because they worry that it would be bland or that they wouldn’t know how to cook it. CloFu will help people be healthier and more environmentally friendly and will spare animals from being killed for the table.

The science is pretty straightforward. According to Dr. Kevin Keener of Purdue University, all animals—including human beings—have unique odor profiles. Dr. Harry Lawless of Cornell University reports that if you use a sample of human perspiration, it is “no different than making artificial chicken flavor for instant gravy.”

Gas chromatography can be used to confirm stability of a stimulant matrix, in this case your sweat. There are trained panels of individuals with sensitive noses who can describe smells to a very precise degree. They could evaluate your sample and quantify the various odors in order to replicate them and use them to flavor batches of bean curd.

Researchers at Leeds University, for instance, used gas chromatography and mass spectrometry to isolate 46 different odor compounds in fried potatoes—then, they asked people to describe what they smelled. Among the odors were butterscotch, onion, and ironing board. We can use a similar technique to isolate your unique scent. Researchers in Switzerland took sweat samples from participants’ armpits. After analyzing the odors, researchers determined that, generally, men smell of cheese, women of onions! Cheese- scented CloFu could be used as pizza topping and in lasagna. Since dairy farming is a huge problem (consider mad cow disease, cruel farming methods, and the separation of loving mothers from their calves), this would be great.

We hope this idea meets your approval.

Very truly yours,

Ingrid E. Newkirk
President

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