by Michael dEstries
Categories: Animals, Causes
Tags: , .

george clooney, tofu, peta

Yes, you read that right. And don’t act surprised. This is PETA we’re talking about here — the masters in coming up with new, creative ways to draw attention their causes.

Ingrid Newkirk, President of PETA (read our recent interview with her here), has a new idea for promoting tofu: make it George Clooney-flavored.

The organization received a sweaty towel Clooney recently used at a gym in D.C. from a PETA supporter who thought it might be auctioned to raise money. Newkirk, however, right away suggested that it would be better served as flavoring for tofu. Here’s a bit from the letter she wrote to the actor:

“The technology actually exists to take your perspiration and make it into George Clooney–flavored tofu (CloFu). We could do that and give the tofu away. Of course, your fans would swoon at the idea of eating CloFu, but what interests us most is that we would attract many people who don’t try tofu because they worry that it would be bland or that they wouldn’t know how to cook it. CloFu will help people be healthier and more environmentally friendly and will spare animals from being killed for the table.”

According to the Washington Post, Clooney responded with “As a mammal, I’m offended.” Check out the full letter after the jump.

March 11, 2009

George Clooney, c/o Smoke House

Dear Mr. Clooney,

We have been offered some of your perspiration, apparently taken from a towel at a gym in Washington, D.C. We are big fans, and this prospect has given us an interesting idea that we hope will amuse you too.

The technology actually exists to take your perspiration and make it into George Clooney–flavored tofu (CloFu). We could do that and give the tofu away. Of course, your fans would swoon at the idea of eating CloFu, but what interests us most is that we would attract many people who don’t try tofu because they worry that it would be bland or that they wouldn’t know how to cook it. CloFu will help people be healthier and more environmentally friendly and will spare animals from being killed for the table.

The science is pretty straightforward. According to Dr. Kevin Keener of Purdue University, all animals—including human beings—have unique odor profiles. Dr. Harry Lawless of Cornell University reports that if you use a sample of human perspiration, it is “no different than making artificial chicken flavor for instant gravy.”

Gas chromatography can be used to confirm stability of a stimulant matrix, in this case your sweat. There are trained panels of individuals with sensitive noses who can describe smells to a very precise degree. They could evaluate your sample and quantify the various odors in order to replicate them and use them to flavor batches of bean curd.

Researchers at Leeds University, for instance, used gas chromatography and mass spectrometry to isolate 46 different odor compounds in fried potatoes—then, they asked people to describe what they smelled. Among the odors were butterscotch, onion, and ironing board. We can use a similar technique to isolate your unique scent. Researchers in Switzerland took sweat samples from participants’ armpits. After analyzing the odors, researchers determined that, generally, men smell of cheese, women of onions! Cheese- scented CloFu could be used as pizza topping and in lasagna. Since dairy farming is a huge problem (consider mad cow disease, cruel farming methods, and the separation of loving mothers from their calves), this would be great.

We hope this idea meets your approval.

Very truly yours,

Ingrid E. Newkirk
President

About Michael dEstries

Michael has been blogging since 2005 on issues such as sustainability, renewable energy, philanthropy, and healthy living. He regularly contributes to a slew of publications, as well as consulting with companies looking to make an impact using the web and social media. He lives in Ithaca, NY with his family on an apple farm.

View all posts by Michael dEstries →
  • Stephen

    Ewwww.

    That’s gross.

    Why would anyone want to eat something that tastes like sweat?

    PeTA seems to have a knack for coming up with crazy, crack-pot ideas. Sometimes these ideas are effective and get the message out; usually they are just downright embarrassing to the rest of the animal rights community.

  • Whoever…

    Why would anyone in their right mind want to eat sweat-flavored tofu?

    Spices anyone?

  • Ashley

    I don’t get the mammal comment..?

    This is such a good example of when Peta does more harm than good. Is anyone seriously going to think to themselves ‘Hmm, maybe animals DO have feelings!’ because they read about the possibility of Clooney flavored tofu? It just makes vegans look insane. Someone is probably going to see that letter and think it’s just the kind of things that vegans do, like the people that say if gay marriage is legalized, next it’ll be 2 men and a dog.

  • http://beveganawesome.blogspot.com Anton

    All I can say is that this is hilarious! The sad part is not that PETA did something ridiculous, but that anti-animal rights people are going to think that it’s serious and use it to bash all “us crazy vegans.” Still, too funny.

  • Carnie

    If you don’t think this is serious, try reading Ingrid Newkirk’s demented last will and testament on the PETA website.

  • http://www.mcfarlanddesigns.com Tamara

    Oh my god, that woman is deranged. And she makes us all look like kooks. What a nightmare.

  • http://www.easyvegan.info kelly g.

    I don’t get the mammal comment..?

    I interpreted it as a joke – “As a mammal, I’m offended that you’d want to eat ‘me’” (‘me’ being Clooney’s sweat, literally, or the sweat symbolizing his physical body).

  • http://www.veganjapan.net herwin

    who created the word CLOFU ? It’s brilliant and so funny. :-P

    the idea is deranged, wether its serious or for the purpose of drawing attention. and to make such a connection between “tofu” and “sweat”..its such a pr blunder.
    Peta should stick with the naked woman and famous people, thats a winner and anybody except “some people” can relate to that.

  • http://www.onoursleeve.com Leanne Mai-ly (Vaute Couture)

    hilarious!

    and clearly a joke- ingrid’s seriousness is all part of the act. haven’t you ever heard of committing to a bit?

  • s

    thats disgusting. its offisal. peta has lost it.

  • lei

    I think peta is in need of some vitamin B12 because they’ve gone mental.

    Hmm… so that’s what they do with the donation cash they talk us into giving them.

    But I can’t help but chuckle to Clooney response. =P

  • Scot

    Yet another example of PETA’s ability to make themselves look like the extremist nuts they really are. Unfortunately, their headline-grabbing antics divert attention from mainstream animal-welfare (not “animal rights”; there is no such thing) groups like the American Humane Association and the S.P.C.A. Anyone who truly wants to improve the quality of life for animals and reduce their suffering should support those organizations and avoid PETA like an overcooked tofuburger.

  • elizabeth

    I think it’s clever and attention raising. It’s funny and aware of itself as being funny. Veganism and the welfare if all beings is a serious thing. But the spreading of that message doesn’t have to be so serious. If newkirk doing wacko things gets people aware that there are people that care about animal welfare- great! If it gets them to go to the PETA website to figure out just how crazy she is, but end up reading something or seeing a video that helps them realize the cruelty that occurs and the power we have to stop that- great!

    Think of all the other radical things people have done in movements to end other types of injustice and slavery. Let’s try everything! But it’s gotta be done fun so that people feel excited and empowered to make changes in their lives!!

  • http://www.veganjapan.net herwin

    oh oh, the Peta Bashers are back in town..:-P