by Luke Warner
Categories: People.


Somewhere in America, in a government-funded laboratory, far from the blinking eyes of average citizens, lives the Eatr – the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot – and it’s hungry for your…twigs and possibly some wood chips. Yes, the US military’s Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, Darpa, has been working with several tech companies over the last decade to build a self-sufficient military robot while putting to bed media horror stories of a ‘Terminator’-style zombie machine that would feed on dead human bodies.

Apparently they’ve been forced to take the vegetarian message to the masses and, according to a recent article in The Guardian, the companies “completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” said Harry Schoell, the chief executive of Cyclone Power Technologies, one of the companies behind the machine. Nor do these ‘bots feed on any other type of flesh, just a healthy diet of biomass. Not unlike the editorial staff of Ecorazzi.

In the broader green picture, Schoell says that they “are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter. The commercial applications alone for this earth-friendly energy solution are enormous.”

And just to clear up any zombie-related misconceptions, a statement was released by Darpa, Cyclone and Robotic Technologies, Inc. (RTI) making it clear that “desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and it is certainly not something sanctioned by Darpa, Cyclone or RTI.” Good to hear, guys.

RTI’s Dr. Finkelstein (real name) said that the Eatr is built with systems to help it determine whether it’s presented with animal, vegetable or mineral matter, which will make it not only a discerning vegan but also a formidable opponent in 20 Questions.

  • oneandonlyhypnos

    Yep, that settles it. The future is vegetarian. Even the robots are joining us… meat industry: consider yourself terminated!

  • Nick Robinson

    I need your clothes, boots and your tofu…

  • Elaine Vigneault

    “We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,”

    I think that’s the funniest quote I’ve ever read in my life! Hilarious!

  • krissy

    People are not afraid of zombie robots, they are afraid of free willed robots who become blood thirsty killers. Vegetarian or not robot intelligence can kill us all.

  • herwin

    i think the percentage of people afraid of blood thirsty inteligent robots killing people is neglectable and mostly found in the male age group 6-12 years and people who popped too many pills in their life..
    but its a funny thought though. :-)