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Future Terminators May Be Vegetarian

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The current article you are reading does not reflect the views of the current editors and contributors of the new Ecorazzi


Somewhere in America, in a government-funded laboratory, far from the blinking eyes of average citizens, lives the Eatr – the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot – and it’s hungry for your…twigs and possibly some wood chips. Yes, the US military’s Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, Darpa, has been working with several tech companies over the last decade to build a self-sufficient military robot while putting to bed media horror stories of a ‘Terminator’-style zombie machine that would feed on dead human bodies.

Apparently they’ve been forced to take the vegetarian message to the masses and, according to a recent article in The Guardian, the companies “completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” said Harry Schoell, the chief executive of Cyclone Power Technologies, one of the companies behind the machine. Nor do these ‘bots feed on any other type of flesh, just a healthy diet of biomass. Not unlike the editorial staff of Ecorazzi.

In the broader green picture, Schoell says that they “are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter. The commercial applications alone for this earth-friendly energy solution are enormous.”

And just to clear up any zombie-related misconceptions, a statement was released by Darpa, Cyclone and Robotic Technologies, Inc. (RTI) making it clear that “desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and it is certainly not something sanctioned by Darpa, Cyclone or RTI.” Good to hear, guys.

RTI’s Dr. Finkelstein (real name) said that the Eatr is built with systems to help it determine whether it’s presented with animal, vegetable or mineral matter, which will make it not only a discerning vegan but also a formidable opponent in 20 Questions.

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This week in the veganverse IV

Wonder why everyone is so concerned with vegan underwear, hot dogs, and how we’ll celebrate Easter? Me too! It’s this week in the veganverse, round four.

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