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South Park "Whale Whores" Manages To Hilariously Offend Everyone Equally

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Last night, South Park went straight for the heart of the Japanese whaling controversy with their episode titled Whale Whores. If you’ve watched Animal Planet’s Whale Wars, seen The Cove, or read any one of our many articles on the issue, you’ll find that South Park creators Matt and Trey probably did the same. The episode satirically attacks on all levels and makes everyone involved look ridiculous. True to the style of the series, however, everything ties up neatly with a message that puts the entire debate in perspective.

If you’ve seen the preview, you know that the show starts off with the Japanese, portrayed in traditional dress, attacking dolphins and whales in marine parks around America. Not even the Miami Dolphins football team survives. Stan, who is visibly upset at witnessing one of the killings, (His father holds him saying, “Hey pal, I’m sorry your birthday was ruined by the Japanese.”) declares that something must be done. None of his friends will help, but he gets a tip about a show that saves whales and will accept volunteers. Naturally, that series is Whale Wars and South Park doesn’t hold back on portraying it as show with zero drama. Within the first three minutes of Stan joining the crew, a beer-bellied Paul Watson is harpooned by the Japanese; with one of the SS crew members exclaiming, “Maybe he’s ok!”

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Stan, upset that the Sea Shepherd crew doesn’t do anything but throw butter bombs, takes matters into his own hands and ends up sinking one of the Japanese whaling ships. He then takes over for Watson as captain. Suddenly, everyone is totally into Whale Wars and its ratings skyrockets. Various magazine headlines proclaim “New Captain Turns Vegan Pussies Into Real Pirates” and “Whale Wars Gets Better: Things Actually Happen!”

I’ll leave describing every detail there and just let you watch it — but let’s just say that the Larry King segment is a vehicle to further lampoon Watson. At one point King says, “Their old captain, Paul Watson, was an unorganized, incompetent, media whore who thought lying to everyone was okay as long as it served his cause.” Ouch.

In the end, which includes a hilarious encounter with the crew from Deadliest Catch, Stan finds out that the reason the Japanese hate dolphins and whales so much is because they believe they were piloting the Enola Gay when it dropped the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima. That’s what the Americans told them in the aftermath. To further his cause, Stan doctors a photo showing the plane was actually piloted by a chicken and cow. The Japanese then attack cows and chickens, with Stan’s father saying proudly to his son, “Good job, son. Now the Japanese are normal, like us.” See what they did there?

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What did you think of it? Too much? Good for a laugh? Let us know! Check out the full episode here.

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0 Comments
  • Kate

    Most people don’t know anything about animals. And so comparing a cetacean (dolphin/whale) to a cow is simple for them. But cetaceans aren’t domesticated livestock, they’re species numbers aren’t inexhaustible, we’re not breeding them in pens. And they are vastly more intelligent than anything that makes it onto american plates. In fact they share many of the same traits that mark and define chimp and human intellect. Cetaceans have complex social structures, emotion, language, can learn and develop new hunting strategies intuitively and pass them on to others, etc. It has even been discovered that dolphins have names for each other, just like us, and some have incorporated tools for hunting purposes. They and other animals such as chimps and elephants are so similar to us it’s uncanny.

    Perhaps because it looks less like us than a chimp, we don’t question what happens to them as much as we do with our closer relations. But it and animal rights are something to think about. How similar intelligence-wise does the creature have to be to us before we’ll decide not to kill it?

    • Kate is a Fucktard

      Why in the fuck should the intelligence of the animal matter, that’s like saying it’s okay to eat the mentally handicapped, just not the people who’s brains function normally. Fine, use the argument that the animal is going extinct, but I don’t think the intellect of an animal should determine whether or not we eat them.

      P.S. I really hope you weren’t offended by this episode of South Park, because South Park makes fun of everyone and to get offended by it you’d have to be completely retarded

    • jzd

      Still I wouldn’t hesitate erasing the whole species just to save a single human life. And that is the simple point where the hypocrisy of all the “nature friends” shows blatantly. You cry about whales, but you don’t mind millions of humans being slaughtered yearly, paid by your very own tax money.

  • Guest

    I agree to some level. But animal rights are completely valid. They punish people for torturing animals and pushing wildlife to extinction. They improved the living conditions of animals in zoos and research labs. And they’re even more valid for animals of marked intellect such as dolphins, elephants, and apes. But animal rights must be considered for even the creatures who aren’t necessarily cute or bright. I’m disappointed by the treatment of what ends up in the grocery store. Meat is frankly better for you when the animal that it came from lived a healthy life. And I for one would feel much happier knowing what I put in my stomach was killed quickly and painlessly, and not forced to stand in a cramped box it’s entire life.

    What’s more, another thing that people forget is that humans are animals too. As Gandhi said ‘”The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.”

    • jzd

      People trump anymals, always and everywhere.

      And no sir, I certainly do not feel like an animal, despite being caught in an animal body. Maybe you feel that way, but don’t apply it to everyone and anyone indiscriminately.

      The virtue of humans is that we can control and outgrow the animal with which we were all born.

  • brendan

    Sigh, either you are of low IQ or did not watch the episode. If you did, you are a bit too dull to pick up on the satire and point. If you didn’t, then ranting based on pure ignorance may be your thing, making anything you say irrelevant.

    Also, don’t quote fallacy definitions out of Wikipedia when you don’t understand them. Someone claiming “whaling is not wrong” only exists in your own mind.

  • brendan

    Don’t be so ignorant. Humans only avoid being killed, raped, or maimed by entering into a social contract that protects them against these things. We do not have the right “not to be murdered”, but in society, we enter a social contract whereby we give up our right to murder, rape, or rob others under legal penalties, and usually can count on others not doing these things to us for fear of legal penalties.

    Animals don’t have such social contracts and kill each other and other species regularly. When you can convince a lion or shark to agree to enter into such a social contract, you can come back and preach on this subject without sounding like a simpleton.

  • brendan

    Yeah, that was vegan pussy rage, but the original poster did sound blatantly retarded, although his main point that nature is nature and vegan pussies trying to “sanatize” it to make it more like Disney being misguided is spot on. While I will hate to see the whales go extinct, 99.9% of species have gone extinct during earth’s existence, so this statistically would be less than a drop in the bucket. The percentage out of all extinct species over time would be rounded to zero in calculus and be considered negligible in any scientific study. That being sad, it is still a shame for their species to go extinct.

  • brendan

    Low IQ people use the term “zombies” a lot, as 70% of low IQ peoples’ media intake is based on zombies. This person is obviously an offended vegan pussy, claiming a fairly limited-landmass nation that has lived on a seafood diet for millennia are “tiny dicked” for having such a diet. Those who have the luxury of living in a country with abundant land for farming and livestock, and a diet that matches, criticizing a country that has subsisted on seafood out of necessity for its entire existence is exactly what the satire is highlighting, as well as the unethical things done by said culture choosing to criticize other cultures ethics.

    As for the crew of losers on this show, the episode was pretty spot on. Dumping their money into aggravating the Japanese people and criticizing their culture/traditions really is working well. Polarization always fixes things…just see how well it worked for the Black Panthers.
    Not surprisingly, the Japanese have reacted by removing any protection of whales and expanded the waters allowed for whaling….well done vegan pussies on sabotaging your cause.

    All the money over these 30 years would have been better spent on buying up a large conservation area in those waters, but the same incompetence and ineptness South Park was highlighting with tree huggers as pirates is the same for planning and managing of resources in general.

  • jzd

    SS are criminals (what’s in the name, heh?) who often almost killed hundreds of humans on board of those whale-hunter ships. We are talking real people, with families and actual lives to care about.

    Would you sink a ship with hundreds of people on board and then be able to sleep peacefully?

  • jzd

    Wait, so you would slaughter innocent people just to save “innocent whales”?

    Go visit a psychiatrist, you have some serious issues. I sincerely hope they’ll get you before you kill someone.

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