This past summer I was at a restaurant in Austin, TX (a very veg-friendly city), and I ordered Tofu Curry to go. I was sitting outside with a bunch of friends and took a big bite, only to realize that the tofu was actually chicken. It was terrible! It tasted like pure iron, like blood. It was absolutely repulsive. It completely silenced any subconscious thoughts I had of missing the taste of meat. Needless to say, I did not swallow it, but rather spit it all over the ground in front of me. It makes me ill thinking just thinking about it. I’m now ultra-aware of what I eat, probably to an unhealthy extent.. but I tell you, it tasted like blood (like when you get a cut in your mouth, or the taste of metal). No good.

In my early vegetarian days, I used to rely on fast food places for cheap and easy non-meat meal options. But I am completely over and done with attempting to order actual vegetarian food from fast food restaurants after two horrific incidents at Subway and more than a few “oopses” at Taco Bell. At Subway, I used to order veggie wraps but never had them cut because they use the same knife for meat sandwiches and rarely sanitize in between… this I know because I once saw the sandwich maker actually WIPE OFF his dirty meatball and marinara covered knife inside my veggie sandwich, for some sadistic reason. Another time I saw a girl dangling a piece of bacon over my veggie wrap while her co-worker made my sandwich, and accidentally drop a tiny piece of bacon inside. Obviously both times, I asked for new sandwiches, but EWWW. At Taco Bell, I once took a big bite into a bean burrito, only to have my mouth fill with the flavor of bacon. And let me tell you, after years of abstaining, it is the most horrible thing I’d tasted in a long time. The sensation was awful. I did not swallow; even if I’d wanted to, I didn’t get the chance. My throat repelled the intruder before my stomach could. I spit the offending matter out the car window and bawled my eyes out… What the hell bacon was doing in my refried beans, I’ll never know… but now I never recommend Taco Bell as a place for vegetarian bean burritos. Always make your own! Even authentic Mexican restaurants tend to soak their “vegetarian” beans in either lard or, yes, pig’s feet.