by Michael dEstries
Categories: Animals, Transport
Tags: .

whalepenis

How’s that for a Friday headline?

We talk plenty about animals skins here on the razz, but honestly, this is one that I never imagined would be news.

Apparently, some auto outfit in Russia named Dartz came up with the idea of creating a bank vault on wheels — essentially the world’s most tricked-out, opulent, four-ton SUV. As Wired explains, some of the options include gold-plated window surrounds, gauges encrusted with diamonds and rubies, and an exhaust system made from tungsten. Oh yea, and the option for whale-penis leather seats.

Once the green scene got wind of such an accessory, the condemnation rang out from all corners; prompting the company to backtrack on the bizarre option. A press release with the title “ARMORED CAR WITHOUT PENIS. LET’S SAVE THE WHALES.” was sent out — and, in my opinion, instantly became the most hilarious press headline ever.  In verbatim, here’s a bit from the release:

One month ago DARTZ presented uberluxury armored car with whale penis interior – PROMBRON’ (ex.RussoBaltique), lot of people name this car as DARTZ.KOMBAT. As the world’s resonance was very huge and DARTZ got lot of angry e-mails from Greenpeace, WWF and also Pamela Anderson, DARTZ make strong decision to stop their plans regarding such interior.

We just looking for most expensive products for this car – and that’s why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: “Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don’t Earth fall down to Ocean!”

And on that note, may you all sleep better this evening knowing that whale-penis leather is not an option for your vehicle. Thanks again Pamela and Co.!

via Wired

About Michael dEstries

Michael has been blogging since 2005 on issues such as sustainability, renewable energy, philanthropy, and healthy living. He regularly contributes to a slew of publications, as well as consulting with companies looking to make an impact using the web and social media. He lives in Ithaca, NY with his family on an apple farm.

View all posts by Michael dEstries →
  • s

    oh my GOSH the last part of paragraph 2 is killing me!!!! augh!!!! so funny!!!!!!!!! “we keep You live”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Luke Warner

    greatest. press. release. ever.

  • a.c.

    ahahahahahahaha

  • Georgina

    Ok-ok, so i think we are all glad that this company will refrain from using whale-penis leathure…BUT…and there is a BIG BUT…i can’t stop cracking up every time i read the press release.

    Oh. My. God.

  • VeggieTart

    “We were just looking for the most expensive products for the car”–okay, that says EVERYTHING. Isn’t there something just completely fercockta about a company setting out to make the most expensive anything?

  • BareBeliever

    Everything about this car is such a waste! A car is for conveniently getting you from Point A to B. Ya, some people care more about how they look while doing this than others, but do you really need diamonds and rubies on your gauges? They’ll fall off if you hit a speed bump!

    The winner of unnecessary options, however, goes to the whale-penis leather seats… that is sooooooo disgusting and weird! I would never want to buy, let alone SIT ON, something made of penis skin – that’s just wrong!

  • http://vanessaprocter.blogspot.com/ Vanessa

    I am loving the mental image of someone trying to make seats out of a a whales penis! Brilliant, the designers must have been on crack to have come up with that one!! Similar to the tapeworm idea, see my blog if u want to know more. Crack heads!

  • http://www.twitter.com/lolitaval Lolita Valentine

    I’m so glad those whales get to keep their penises. I don’t understand people’s fascination with animal penises. In China, tiger penis is considered a delicacy and said to increase a man’s sexual potency. I find that to be total bs and disturbing, but people still go for it.

    • chimmychunga

      Funny thing is lolita, Chinese eat everything. The rarer the animal the more demand. China accounts for 90% for the worlds animal smuggling and poaching.

      Japan is the other nation that poaches whales – endangered Fin and Humpbacks. Plus in the meat markets they have found traces of Blue and Sperm whales. Some of this is “by catch” but how o you prove that thet havent been targeted?

      scum bags!

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