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SMILE! Momma Lohan Now Pimping Out Eco-Conscious Dental Hygiene

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dina lohanIt’s just a small little toothbrush, no big deal. That’s probably what most of us say to ourselves as we chuck 3 month old dental devices with splayed-out bristles and two-toned, ergonomically correct handles into the garbage can in front of us. Waiting in the wings is always a shiny, colorful and spectacularly new-and-improved version, beckoning us to give plaque and tartar the boot with minimal effort. Ohhh, and who can dispute the fact that scrubbing your choppers with a newly unveiled dental stick is quite possibly one of the greatest “little” pleasures in life (aside from finding a surprise stash of money in a coat pocket or scoring a free organic burrito coupon)?

If the statistics are truly accurate, residents on this big blue marble who possess a basic appreciation for oral hygiene spend approximately $5 billion every year on new toothbrushes, $600 million of which can be attributed to enthusiastically pearly white Yanks. On the positive side, hip hip hooray for all the people out there who dig that smooth dental enamel-y sensation, but on the other end of the spectrum, have you considered where all of those gnarly, cast aside toothbrushes go when they die? Let’s put it this way…when they aren’t tangled up in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch (or its newly discovered evil Atlantic cousin), it’s estimated that about 50 million pounds of the petroleum-based, eco-damaging plastic implements make their way into landfills every year.

Once the exclusive domain of granola-and-wheatgrass dispensing establishments, eco-friendly toothbrush alternatives like Preserve’s Recycline 100% recycled #5 plastic version, wooden-handled and fully compostable Naturborsten brushes and models with replaceable heads are now available in major retail stores…but why would you set your sights on something so humble when you could achieve your oral hygiene aspirations courtesy of the slick new design of a washed up celebri-mom? At New York City’s Go Green Expo, Lindsay Lohan’s mommy dearest was spotted touting her latest bid for economic viability, the Lohan Green Tooth Brush.

Notorious for brushing off her chronically troubled daughter’s issues with nothing more than an artificial smile and a clueless comment, momma Lohan’s new product was likely given a serious personal workout during the research and development process. Her water-free Lohan Green Tooth Brush saves each user 2 gallons of H20 each day – which is nothing to sneeze about — but how does she propose that we remove leftover toothpaste remnants from the head once we’re done? Purportedly developed out of genuine concern for water conservation, the aspiring green-dental doyenne reportedly joined in with other eco-advocates during the Go Green Expo “to highlight the millions of people in less economically developed nations who don’t have access to clean water.” Is this a case of greenwashing, waterwashing, or has Lohan really turned over a new eco-leaf? Only time (and sales figures) will tell.

Via Best Week Ever

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