No Solar For Me, Says Renewable-Energy-Supporting White House
Wondering what went down when eco-author Bill McKibben took a personal trek to the White House last week in support of the solar-themed ‘Globama’ campaign? It went a little something like this:
Q: Hello there! I drove all the way in a biodiesel-fueled van just to offer you some free, clean, sun-powered energy courtesy of big shiny panels that can be installed on your rooftop. Sounds great, huh? I’m so excited I just can’t stand it!!!
A: Thanks for the offer buddy, but after careful consideration, we’ve decided to continue allowing our country’s taxpayers to foot our ginormous bill. Here’s some granola that Michelle made just for your trouble.
Q: Um, maybe I should rephrase things. I’m offering you a cool retro-solar panel that Jimmy Carter actually used on the very same house you’re living in today. Consider it a symbolic gesture. Frankly, me and my eco-homies are imploring you to set a positive example for our country and the world by personally embracing renewable energy the way that your predecessor did back in 1979.
A: Yeah, that’s great and all, but what do you think our unprecedented $80 billion push for renewable energy development has been all about?? We’re throwing down big bucks to create an extensive range of planet-friendly transportation concepts, alternative fuels, a revamped electrical grid and ultimately, lots of green collar jobs. A few quaint panels on our roof isn’t really going to make a difference in the grand scheme of things, but thanks anyway little eco-warrior…chin up!
Q: Fine. Forget about the Carter-era panels (even though they’ve been used as recently as 2005 to heat the cafeteria water at Unity College in Maine) and at least consider taking Sungevity up on their totally complementary offer to install a state-of-the-art rooftop solar array on top of your big white house, no strings attached!
A: In light of our deep commitment to promoting renewable energy development, we insist that you conserve your own personal strength for the long trip you’re going to take back home in your french fry van by ixnaying the solar panel pitches. Maybe you can repurpose one of your beloved Carter panels as a DIY dehydrator? In fact, here’s 16 pounds of spare organic zucchini that we grew in our backyard, just for you. That and the granola should make us okee-dokey, right?