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Discovery Offers Up Greatest Job Title Ever: Celebrity Chief Shark Officer

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Edit: I was so bedazzled with the idea of a Chief Shark Officer, that I hardly noticed the word “Celebrity” in front of the title. We’ve updated the piece and formally request Carrot Top be considered for the job.

Attention children everywhere! While “fireman”, “astronaut”, and “veterinarian” are the classic defaults when asked what you want to do when you grow up, may we suggest a new candidate? Celebrity Chief Shark Officer. Let’s see your inquisitive relatives respond to that one.

In celebration of this summer’s 24th annual Shark Week, The Discovery Channel yesterday sent out a release looking for their first-ever CCSO, or Celebrity Chief Shark Officer. “Must enjoy exotic, waterfront locations, buff bodies in bathing suits and having the bejesus scared out of you,” reads an ad released by the television channel Tuesday morning. “Looking delicious in a wetsuit is a plus. Sense of humor required.”

The right candidate will head one of the network’s shark-themed shows, as well as swim around with them and attend premieres in New York, Los Angeles, and Miami. Pretty rough right?

Any star should send, and I quote, “resumes, audition tapes and blood type to Discovery Channel c/o Eilzabeth Hillman.”

Let’s hope they keep Type O negative on standby.

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Part 2: One of History’s Earliest Ethical Vegan Voices

Compared to the modern world, it was much harder to be vegan in Ma‘arrī’s time and place due to the religious and social pressures.

Part 1: One of History’s Earliest Ethical Vegan Voices

If the Syrian author of that poem could go vegan, anyone in our era can buck far milder social pressures and go vegan.

No, Animal Products are not being removed from the Canadian Food Guide

Vegans shouldn’t be quick to share excitement for a new and improved Health Canada food guide.