tree-eating
by Michael dEstries
Categories: Pop Culture.
Photo: Orange County Fire Authority

Two important safety tips were passed along by some embarrassed individuals yesterday. The first was from a man who attempted to squeeze into a baby seat swing (on a $100 bet) and was stuck for nine hours. The second was another man who decided to climb into the hollow of a tree and, you guessed it, also became lodged/consumed. Apparently, the hole the man entered went four to five feet underground. Authorities were alerted to the scene after reports of someone screaming in a dry creek bed. Only the man’s arms and head were visible.

“Why he’s in a tree, I have no idea,” Orange County Fire Authority Battalion Chief Kris Concepcion told the Register. I know why – it’s because tree’s are striking back. They’re hungry. Didn’t M. Night Shyamalan predict this in “The Happening”? Didn’t “Poltergeist” warn us? Haven’t Christmas trees been threatening revenge for centuries?

I rest my case. Hide the pruning shears.

About Michael dEstries

Michael has been blogging since 2005 on issues such as sustainability, renewable energy, philanthropy, and healthy living. He regularly contributes to a slew of publications, as well as consulting with companies looking to make an impact using the web and social media. He lives in Ithaca, NY with his family on an apple farm.

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