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Tree Attempts To Swallow Man Whole, Firefighters Intervene

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Two important safety tips were passed along by some embarrassed individuals yesterday. The first was from a man who attempted to squeeze into a baby seat swing (on a $100 bet) and was stuck for nine hours. The second was another man who decided to climb into the hollow of a tree and, you guessed it, also became lodged/consumed. Apparently, the hole the man entered went four to five feet underground. Authorities were alerted to the scene after reports of someone screaming in a dry creek bed. Only the man’s arms and head were visible.

“Why he’s in a tree, I have no idea,” Orange County Fire Authority Battalion Chief Kris Concepcion told the Register. I know why – it’s because tree’s are striking back. They’re hungry. Didn’t M. Night Shyamalan predict this in “The Happening”? Didn’t “Poltergeist” warn us? Haven’t Christmas trees been threatening revenge for centuries?

I rest my case. Hide the pruning shears.

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