There’s a Recall on Milk Containing Too Much Poo

There’s been a massive milk recall down under, and it’s all thanks to bullshit. Oh, and cow shit.

Coles, a popular supermarket chain in Australia, has had to pull some of its home brand milk products from the shelves. Contracted from manufacturers Lion Dairy, a variety of flavored milks and iced coffees produced from January 23rd on have come with a strong warning that illness could ensue.

It was gently reported by Lion that “routine internal testing detected microbial bacteria in excess of quality standards. Contaminated products could cause illness if consumed.”

More directly, Coles came out to say that the microbial bacteria in question is coliforms, a bacterial indicator of sanitary quality of foods and water. It’s more commonly known as shit.

When the coliform count surpasses the legislated legal limit (100 cfu/mL), it suggests that poor milking practices, dirty equipment, contaminated water, dirty milking facilities, and/or cows with subclinical or clinical coliform mastitis are involved. Let the idea soak in for a second that there’s a legal limit of shit being poured into your cereal, and that there’s a not so different limit that’ll make you barf.

Too bad the recall only suggests that milk isn’t consumed with expiry dates up to February 6th. Were customers to accept these companies generous refunds, and swap their bowel-movement milk for a carton of the almond variety, they could eliminate animal cruelty, pus, and fecal coliforms from their breakfast tables.  

Just one more reason to go vegan! Find out how to here.