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Fact: Rainn Wilson is right and we’ve all got veganism wrong

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The rules of veganism have been updated and Rainn Wilson is here to help us all get familiar with them.

The star best known for playing Dwight on The Office took to Instagram to inform his 839,000 followers of exactly what it means to go vegan and why you should do it.

THE FIFTY YEAR OLD VEGAN So about six weeks ago or so, my wife @HolidayReinhorn and I decided to try Veganism for a month. (Is that a thing? A word? VeganISM?) As an experiment. We were so dependent on eating animals and animal products, we just wanted to try it. Give our digestive systems a change-up. It was TOUGH. Especially that first week. I wanted a steak and eggs so bad. I felt tired and cranky and hungry all the time, even with the buckets of Quinoa I was shoveling into my mouth. Ugh. But then, sometime in the second and 1/2 week, things shifted dramatically. I noticed that I had more energy! I was sleeping better and deeper. I didn’t need naps in the afternoon as much. I started to drop some pounds. And, bonus, it’s supposed to be good for the planet. Personally, I have no moral issues with killing and eating animals. But the health and planetary benefits seem pretty good. Who knows, I may start adding some fish or some eggs. Or some fish eggs. But I’m enjoying the journey so far and want to leave you with a single promise: I WILL NOT BE ONE OF THOSE ASSHOLE VEGANS WHO IS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY’RE A VEGAN!

A post shared by Rainn Wilson (@rainnwilson) on

Let’s break it down.

  1. Veganism is something you can try for a month as an experiment.
  2. VeganISM isn’t really a thing, or a word. Or is it?
  3. It’s all about giving your digestive systems a break.
  4. It’s also all about a challenge, because OH MY GOD it’s hard to not eat steak and eggs.
  5. You must eat buckets of quinoa, only. And be sure to promote that as the vegan food.
  6. Quinoa must always be spelled with a capital Q (as it’ll be your new Queen).
  7. Veganism is only worth doing if you receive extra energy, better sleep, and lose weight (go ahead and quit if you don’t feel the epiphany).
  8. The benefits to the Earth (whatever those are) are a bonus prize.
  9. There’s nothing morally wrong with killing and eating animals (ugh, so poetic and true).
  10. In case you didn’t catch it on the earlier rules, veganism exists for health and planetary benefits.
  11. You can reincorporate some fish, eggs, or fish eggs. ‘Cuz why not?
  12. Enjoy the personal journey, it’s about you.
  13. Talking about veganism makes you an asshole, so keep it to one Instagram post every six weeks.

Yes, owning a pot belly pig you don’t care about morally gets you extra vegan cred, as does taking the journey with your equestrian wife. It is a requirement, however, to promote causes like The International Fund for Animal Welfare if you’re going to get on Rainn’s level.

Where would we be without celebrities to guide us? How would we possibly know how to navigate pseudo-veganism or continue the narrative that vegans suck and animals don’t matter without Rainn? How can we ever expect to help others go vegan if we don’t have leaders with six or more weeks of sort-of experience on the subject?

Yes, the sarcasm has reached a boiling point here and I can go on no longer. We cannot celebrate having Rainn Wilson join the team when his “promotion” of veganism does nothing but further muddy the waters of confusion on why we should go vegan and how. If the message is this confused, we should consider it detrimental to the cause that it’s flaunted to such a large audience. Or do we want another Ellen or Beyonce (or Ricky, Leo, JoJo…I could continue) to feel let down by in a month?

Question, which celebrity should we learn about veganism from? False, none of them. Fact, if we don’t believe in inflicting unnecessary violence and suffering on animals, we must go vegan.

 

EDITED TO ADD:

And in case you think Dwight’s arch nemesis isn’t proud, they are.

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