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This week in the veganverse II

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Vegans have a lot to do on the daily. From single-handedly keeping the nutritional yeast industry afloat to being the perpetual pariahs at every lunch meeting across the globe, it can be easy to miss some crucial headlines contributing to the big picture of veganism for article skimmers everywhere. Silence your google alerts and unfollow that Facebook acquaintance you get all your news from–here’s what’s making headlines.

A tempeh chicken wing by any other name would smell as sweet

Forbes Magazine attempts to answer the age old question of whether or not the dirty ‘V’ word can help or hurt businesses and in their infinite wisdom came to the conclusion that “it depends”. On one hand, you can confuse people by adopting newer, lesser valued titles like plant-based or sense-free. On the other, you can stop worry that non-vegans picking up a vegan branded creamed-cheese will either a) throw the packaging violently at the closest animal or b) spontaneously combust. I’m all for keeping the V in business and the FU in shying-away-from-making-veganism-visible.

Torrey DeVitto shops vegan unless she’s in a grocery store 

Not since I first mistook this actor as the offspring of Danny Devito have I been so confused, disappointed, and empathetic towards a celeb (he’s probably a great dad to someone else). This typical devotee of PETA and The Humane Society labels herself as a vegan in her fashion choices and a vegetarian in her food choices. That’s right, it’s the first time EVER in the history of the world that someone has claimed it’s easier to seek out wool alternatives than it is to stop having “vegetarian pizza”. It’s confusing, it’s disappointing, and it all becomes too much to bare when she tries to shout out “MacNat” purses. RIP Matt & Nat publicity and DeVitto’s moral consistency.

You must look both ways before you cross the vegan street

On the other side of the globe  in Australia where all sorts of animal and insect predators have been afforded the title “world’s deadliest,” one author dares to say going vegan can be dangerous. They insist it’s crucial to jam lentils or chickpeas into every meal if you want to live, and having been vegan for some years now without following this golden rule, I might not make it to the end of this article alive. Any typos from here on should be forgiven as the fistfuls of Puy lentils I’m attempting to bare-hand into my face-hole are producing some keyboard-jamming strays. I think it might be 2818 before people accept they don’t have to warn people into signing a health waiver to go vegan.

Waka Flocka FLAME-ON-VEGANS

By now, vegans everywhere have switched their bright upwards facing thumbs on the Youtube ruling Waka Flocka Flame vegan muffin baking tutorial video to revenue cutting downward thumbs. The rapper once known for making veganism look cool (while never actually being vegan) threw it all away for the chance to tell the vegan police they stink as bad as the real police. Waka has been arrested before on drug and weapon charges, but apparently the relentless tact of the loudest vegans is the real force to be reckoned with. Guess we can add him to the “formerly vegan” celebrity gravesite between Ellen and Beyonce. And shame, there’s a good chance he won’t be headlining Circle V this year.

There are more reasons not to donate to The Humane Society of the United States

CEO Wayne Pacelle has thrown The Human Society of the United States into the #metoo movement with the launch of an investigation within the organization after three female employees have come forward with allegations of sexual harassment. Accusations ranging from inappropriate kissing to hotel invitations paint the picture of common corporate workplace hostility that promises women more opportunities for succumbing to their male superiors. The Washington Post is also quick to point out Pacelle’s $380K take home from the non-profit, a moot point (since AR organizations are money machines) were it not for the HSUS people briefed on the lawsuit who claimed money going to address Pacelle’s actions was being misdirected from protecting wildlife. Friends, that’s on Pacelle for causing the lawsuit. But hey, it should come as no surprise that someone who can support the exploitation of female non-human animals can do the same to female human animals.

New Scientist withholds the answers to veganism

New Scientist asks “Should we all go vegan?” and in my naivety, I follow the link to read up on how science has our back. Save for the colourful vector of a happy carrot-cutting butcher, and the titillating promise that NS has “dug” into the evidence, we’ll never actually know the answer. Why? Well, because 12 issues of this publication costs exactly $21.99 more than I’d prefer to spend for my internet propaganda. If anyone else has bought a subscription and wants to tell me exactly what Chelsea Whyte, a self proclaimed vegan flunk, has discovered about the environmental and health impacts of veganism, let me know. I’m guessing it’s that it’s a) not as great as everyone thinks b) exactly as great as everyone thinks or c) is inconclusive because bacon tastes great. I’d pay more for someone to publish an honest-to-goodness fail-proof recipe for homemade vegan marshmallows. That’s something life-changing. 

You can pre-order Vegan ‘Porg’ shoes

This is a public service announcement: the most lovable new Star Wars universe creature is available as a vegan shoe. PO-ZU is an ethical footwear company from the UK and they’ve got the Lucas blessing to make the nerdy goods that real animal lovers don’t have to brush their morals off to buy. If anyone feels like buying gifts for their favourite writer should be a Valentine’s Day tradition, I wear a women’s US size 7 shoe. And before you ask, yes these new recaps can and will always connect Star Wars to veganism in some way.


So it’s business as usual. Everyone can go back to worrying whether or not vegans have more fun, and I’ll be over here, knee-deep in some avocado chocolate pudding laughing (and maybe only slightly crying) as I weed through it. Do yourself a favour and join the right side of history now–go vegan.

 

All gifs from Giphy

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