If you have an aversion to Heidi and Spencer Pratt news, please read elsewhere. I won’t be offended — but rather, hopeful. Nevertheless, if like the scene of an accident, you simply must know more about these two idiots, allow me to weave a new tale of woe.

Apparently, after the media (ahem, us included) were tricked into believing Heidi and Spencer Pratt (The Hills) had left the set of NBC’s wildly spinning-out-of-control reality series disaster I’m A Celebrity…Now Get Me Out Of Here due to well, being divas — they returned. OMG what a surprise! Unfortunately for them, NBC forced the pair to endure a night in a labeled “torture chamber” near the camp. To you and me, the word torture chamber might conjure images of a really horrible setting — but for Heidi and Spencer, sleeping on sheets with a thread count of less than 1,000 is probably enough to unnerve.

Anyways, after spending a night in “the dark room” — and only allowed beans, rice and water (shocking!) — the duo have quit once more alleging that they were really tortured. Give me a break. According to the new shot above, that looks to me like a cabin with an earthen floor. Hell — they even gave you bamboo cots! I think the 4H cabins from my youth were more of a torture than this setup.

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Image credit: TMZ

Heidi and Spencer Pratt have become the first celebrities to leave NBC’s new reality show “I’m a Celebrity . . . Get Me Out of Here” — but not because they were voted off. The two actually quit because they couldn’t hack it in the jungles of Costa Rica and wanted their imaginary self-important lives back. “We’re the most famous people in the world!” yelled Spencer at one point. Raise your hand if you have no idea who they are.

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[UPDATE: Turns out, Spencer and Heidi are still in Costa Rica and will be returning to the show tonight. The whole sheet thing at LAX was a ruse. More info here.]

Photo: Heidi and Spencer Pratt arrive at LAX from Costa Rica, covering themselves in black sheets after quitting the TV show “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here” in Los Angeles, Califonia today. | Photo credit: INF Photo