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There’s a Recall on Milk Containing Too Much Poo

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There’s been a massive milk recall down under, and it’s all thanks to bullshit. Oh, and cow shit.

Coles, a popular supermarket chain in Australia, has had to pull some of its home brand milk products from the shelves. Contracted from manufacturers Lion Dairy, a variety of flavored milks and iced coffees produced from January 23rd on have come with a strong warning that illness could ensue.

It was gently reported by Lion that “routine internal testing detected microbial bacteria in excess of quality standards. Contaminated products could cause illness if consumed.”

More directly, Coles came out to say that the microbial bacteria in question is coliforms, a bacterial indicator of sanitary quality of foods and water. It’s more commonly known as shit.

When the coliform count surpasses the legislated legal limit (100 cfu/mL), it suggests that poor milking practices, dirty equipment, contaminated water, dirty milking facilities, and/or cows with subclinical or clinical coliform mastitis are involved. Let the idea soak in for a second that there’s a legal limit of shit being poured into your cereal, and that there’s a not so different limit that’ll make you barf.

Too bad the recall only suggests that milk isn’t consumed with expiry dates up to February 6th. Were customers to accept these companies generous refunds, and swap their bowel-movement milk for a carton of the almond variety, they could eliminate animal cruelty, pus, and fecal coliforms from their breakfast tables.  

Just one more reason to go vegan! Find out how to here.

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  • charles

    Vegans are so Squeamish and yet so militant…maybe this is why people detest them so much!
    Q. How do you know if someone is a vegan?
    A. Don’t fucking worry…they’ll tell you!

    • Chris Hamilton
    • Dylan Wentworth

      Going vegan is something to be proud of and for some, it’s an accomplishment that wasn’t without challenges and staying vegan is tough for some people also.
      So you can’t really blame vegans for letting the world know and hopefully one day you’ll give it a try and see why. The longer you aren’t a vegan, the more you’re apt to shout it from the rooftops when you are.

  • whitetail-deer

    If you’ve ever worked on a dairy farm, as I have, you’d never consume dairy products again. Filth. Is. Everywhere. Feces on the teats? Don’t bother cleaning it off, instructs the boss, just pump that milk into the tank. Blood and pus in the milk? “Perfectly normal,” he’d say, go ahead and pump it into the tank. Obvious serious mastitis in an udder? Don’t you dare remove the animal from the milking station for care and interrupt the routine, just go ahead and massage that udder to get all of the infected milk out of it that you can, and pump it into the tank. And the poor, helpless goats were beaten without mercy, too. Not at all the happy, smiling cartoony goats like they have on their label. I lasted one shift before I quit. Sickening. Absolutely sickening.

  • “[…] Contaminated products could cause illness if consumed.”
    They forgot to mention that they could cause illness anyway!

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