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Weekly Roundup: Your Week in “Humane” Exploitation

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What a week it’s been, friends. Once again, we have a whole slew of major corporations realizing that being more “humane” does in fact sell more products, even if the humane label is absolute bullshit. By this point, I’ve started to expect these stories to drop on the daily, so here is your weekly roundup of what’s been called “happy exploitation,” and where it can be purchased!

Tim Hortons and Burger King

As reported earlier this week, the parent company of Tim Hortons and Burger King has decided to make a pledge of sorts to go “cage free” within the next decade – 2025 to be exact. As we know, the term cage free is iffy, as it’s merely removing the battery cages that hens are kept in and keeps all the “fun” stuff. You know, beak-clipping, male chick culling, and overcrowded conditions! Glad to see our pals at Timmy’s and BK are catching up with the times and stepping up their game with everyone’s favorite bullshit buzzword.

McDonald’s

Two years after making the pledge to have more “sustainable” beef in their supply chain, McDonald’s is now working the news, saying that they’re “confident” that they are in fact, serving up beef that meets better environmental standards. Of course, it’s only a very small amount of suppliers at present, but who is to stop Mickey D’s when the hit the ground running?! They’ve been hitting us with those “Beef from CANADA!” adverts for a good minute now, and as an American visiting Canada, I’m not sure what all the fuss is about anyways, when both of our countries get so jazzed on sourcing dead flesh from our home countries.

Cara Operations

The conglomerate behind Harvey’s and Swiss Chalet is also taking the cage-free plunge, and say they’ll fully commit by 2020. They and Mercy for Animals are giving the big thumbs up to only slightly varying the lives of the chickens they abuse.

That’s all for this week, folks! What do you say, same time next Friday?

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