Why do humans insist on dressing like animals?
I once turned a corner and found myself face to face with a bear. I wasn’t in the woods, or any sort of wilderness at all. Nope, I was just minding my own business, walking down the hallway of my alma mater. Okay, so by now you’ve probably guessed that it wasn’t a real bear, but it was about as close as a human can get. Outside of drawing on a little snout, or crawling on all fours, this person was a spitting image. Draped in an almost floor length brown, fuzzy fur coat, I was sure she was going to maul me for my lunch. As she passed, I remember feeling a sort of disdain for human beings I normally reserve for my vegan activism. Listen, this isn’t an animal right’s piece against wearing fur or any other animal product because it kills animals – I’ve already done that. This is me asking – why are we dressing like animals for fashion, and doesn’t anyone else think it looks ridiculous?
I’m not going to pretend I’ve never worn leopard print, or that I don’t enjoy rocking my narwhal onesie (hey, I work from home). But there are more than a handful of fashion trends that go far past these fashion offences, and come dangerously close to a “furry” one.
The first that boggles my mind is those animal tails people clip to their bags. It looks like you put your stuff down on a squirrel, and it decided to tag along for the ride.
Photo from Ali Express
Another puzzler is those bird feathers people clip into their hair. Last I checked, you need more than feathers to master flight, so there’s absolutely no other good reason to impersonate birds. Is it Steven Tyler people are trying to impersonate?
Photo from standhizmeti.com
Okay, cowboys. Explain to me why it’s necessary to make yourself into a centaur? Runway models can’t argue lower body protection, especially when assless chaps are the culprit. Bonus creepy points go to people who love the smell, or smoothness of leather.
Photo from Broadsheet
Most recently, I saw that models at the New York Fashion week had hair glued to their nails. Piggy-backing on the trend of incredibly inconvenient nail designs that feature over the top beads and gems, this one made models look like they were becoming werewolves. I can imagine it now – they’re trying to brush their hair out of their faces, only to find some of their nail hair caught between hair wefts. Now, they’re frantic, hair is flying and sticking to anything sticky; including lipstick, mascara, and tears. Who thought this was a good idea!?
Photo from Huffington Post
I could go on. I particularly dislike fuzzy vests that make wearers look half human, half ape, or footwear that looks like you didn’t have time to fashion a boot, and simply slid your foot in to an animal. There’s really too many to name that I wish would stop.
Donning cat ears outside of Halloween, or wearing one of those animal onesies (okay, I’m obsessed) would never be deemed acceptable streetwear, let alone designer. While many, MANY atrocious runway styles don’t see the light of day following a show, it seems that animalistic headwear, accessories, and full body prints continue to. Are people trying to fool uber drivers into a free lift, or trying to make dumpster diving go unseen in New York (we’ve all seen the size of their rats)? I think I’m missing something here, because without a motive, I see no reason to continue subjecting ourselves to this public humiliation. Since loin clothes are out, and most people would agree that the expectation to wear a full corset could be seen as cruelty today, why do we give people a pass for dressing up like fur traders? Like cowboys? Like we’re auditioning for an animated kids movie?
Turtlenecks, catsuits, and ponytails might be off the hook, but that’s up to the fashion police. I can’t really tell people what to wear, of course not. I just think there’s a lot more value in rolling around alongside an animal than there is in pinching their style. I bet animals agree that we look absolutely ridiculous – that would kind of explain why they hate being dressed like humans.