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Meat Criminals At Large – $5000 in Pepperettes Stolen

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This is the sort of headline you expect to comprise an episode of Trailer Park Boys, or Letterkenny.

The London Free Press reports that in Perth County, rural Ontario, five thousand dollars worth of meat was stolen. Did the criminals make off with enough filet mignon to start a fine dining establishment? Nope – they went straight for the pepperettes.

In total, 10 boxes of pepperettes, half country hams, boxes of Texas Burgers, a box of wild boar garlic maple sausage and a box of beef roasts were taken. The daring robbery took place late night, with meat fiends breaking in to a butcher shop and then taking a joy ride in their delivery van.

Can you imagine wanting meat so badly, that you’re willing to go to jail for it? The Criminal Code of Canada sees thieves with up to five thousand dollars of stolen goods facing prison for up to two years. If they threw another handful of pepperettes in there and took the total over 5k, it’s more likely they’d be eating mystery meat in prison for ten years.

Perth County OPP have asked that anyone with information please contact them at 1-888-310-1122 or Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477. Until these meat-thugs are found, I wouldn’t recommend buying any pepperettes bootleg, from the inside of someone’s trench coat. Really, I wouldn’t recommend that ever.

Before you end up serving time, or appearing on an episode of ‘Intervention,’ give up your meat addiction and go vegan!

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