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I hope I win the ‘Pig Farmers of Tomorrow’ contest I entered (I’m vegan)

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I think this award would live nicely next to my “too vegan” award.

National Hog Farmers share that the Pork Checkoff has a little contest underway to find the pig farmers of tomorrow. In a desperate attempt to connect with the next generation, they’ve crafted up this award that 18-29 years old farmers can compete for. I fall somewhere between that age group and have a balcony garden, so I put myself out as a contender, why the hell not. I think I’ll likely have the most interest in pigs of anyone applying, anyway.

After giving your basic information, a series of a questions look to get to know you first date-style. They want to know how many acres of land you own, how many pigs you sell annually, and if you’ve given enough money to Pork Checkoff at this point in your career (those who haven’t signed up with their program have their dreams dashed here).

This is the part where things get scary. In an essay question, they ask “what would you tell a consumer about how you raise pigs that would help build their trust in buying pork?” It’s clear that the future relies on brains washing a new crop of youth to believe it’s responsible to con consumers into thinking you’re killing pigs in a way that’s better for them than your neighbours are. Telling them the truth won’t make you seem like a very trustworthy person, I guess, what with the killing and all. The clear aim is getting people to choose pork again in general, even though it hasn’t really slowedThey also probe for answers on how to be “ethical” in animal agriculture, likely a trick question thrown in since that does not exist.

The survey…er…I mean contest…continues to harken back to the Pork Checkoff “We Care” initiative that falsely promises safe food (increased rates of heart disease and cancer don’t sound safe), animal wellbeing (they are all killed, which makes it hard to feel well), and a safeguarding of natural resources (if we don’t mentioned how animal agriculture is hurting the planet). Maybe if it was “we care” about our wallets, I’d buy it. 

Look, we could probably expect pork propaganda from the pork industry, but it’s still incredible how hard they work to convince themselves that what they’ve doing is totally alright. It’s not new education, just reinforcement of the misinformation by way of an award for the best liar.

I’ll admit this is where my application will likely appear too goofy for consideration (I may claim to have fields of nutritional yeast as far as the eye can see), even though I’m sure i could have done a hilarious job with the 10 required “a day in the life” farm photos. Up to three people will be plucked from the pile, and paraded in front of audiences at the 2017 National Pork Industry Forum. They’ll also be forced to make #RealPigFarming a thing, a hashtag full of piglet selfies and not a single one dead. REAL pig farming is ironically being covered up by this whole charade, despite the hosts and participants knowing how it is.

In the off chance I slip through and win this award for team vegan, I’ll use my platform to promote we abolish animal use altogether for a better future. Radical, I know. I’d be happy to harass my 200 or so social media followers with all the info they need on how to go vegan, so the pig farmers of tomorrow don’t exist.

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